Still Trying...

My efforts have still been valiant. I am still on my way to top grades...

I am just so proud, lol. I actually finished a summative assignment today within two hours of receiving it; we were given a whole week.

I know it is lame, but hey, this year I really have to make up for ten years of fucking around. Love nanny, xx.

Detentions With Benefits

I have never ever worked this hard at school before. It's murder. I hate it. 

For once I'm actually attentive in all my lessons and I've been doing all of my work and my homework. This is probably what everybody else does, but hey, I'm really not used to it.

Last year, I believe that I received a total of something like 27 detentions. So as you can imagine, I am straining myself a little more than usual. Supervised Study, a subject that all Year 11s attend, is by far the most boring and unhelpful class of all time. As I like to call them: Detentions with Benefits.

But I have promised myself, friends and family that I would work harder in my senior years, as that was my plan all along. I know I can do it, and will, but the idea of keeping at this pace for two whole years is rather daunting.

Lunch bell just rang, must go... Love all you kiddies... xx.

Blank Moments

There are many things that you learn about yourself over the years. You experience things that let you discover certain qualities about yourself, you see things that urge you to delve deeper into the mystery of life and who you are and why you're here. 

You have nights when all you do is lie on your bed and think. The unravelling of who you are is a long and draining time. I have gone through it. It's amazing how much can be hiding in your own head that secretly you've known all along... it was just never brought to your attention. You lie there for so long, just thinking, that you develop slots of time where your mind is blank. You've forgotten where you were and what you were doing at that certain time. All you know is that you've been lying there in self-reflection... trying desperately to understand why things are that way.

I've had to work things over in my head so many times now that I consider myself a near professional. Having to work through your feelings is something that can take some people there whole life... imagine never truly knowing everything about yourself...

I, like you, am still discovering new things about myself (personality wise) all the time. It's just incredible how much is safe there in your sub-conscious. 

I've blabbed enough, time to go home... love all you kiddies. xx. 

The New Year

Well, I am quite happy to announce that I have stuck to my New Year Promise and I will continue to pursue that goal throughout the rest of this year.

I had an absolutely smashing NYE, which I spent with Frances. We went to one of her friends, Nicole's house where there was going to be a party. There was only around six people there but nevertheless it was a great night. We got severely indisposed (especially me) and i successfully managed to make a complete fool of myself.
I believe that by three in the morning it took me ten minutes to string one sentence together, Nicole told me.

So yes, it was quite interesting, and the folllowing morning was rather painful. I woke up and the first thought in my head was "how the hell did I end up with so many pillows?"

I went home early because I felt like crap and the need to sleep and rest my intensely sore body was almost overwhelming. But I had a fantastic night, and I am extremely happy that 2009 is here.

It's not like I wasn't enjoying 2008, but a New Year always makes me feel fresh, like it's a brand new start. It wipes the slate clean.
This year I'm a Year 11, which in my opinion is fantastic, because it's one year closer to the end of this horrid ordeal that they call education. And finally I get to wear the Senior uniforms, which I've spent a full three years longing for.

I think I've rambled enough now, and so, Happy New Year everyone and I'll see you all later.

Underworld

I am rather peeved. Annoyed. Frustrated. Angry. Just a few words to describe how I feel about the release of Tomb Raider: Underworld on the PS2.

Okay, many of you may say that I have a sad life to be utterly obsessed with TR, but hey, I love it. And the new game of the TR series: Underworld, was released on December the 5th this year. The reason I am peeved, annoyed, frustrated and angry is because for some fucking reason, the PS2 version has been delayed until June next year, and as I am yet to own a PS3 i cannot play or purchase it. This is a horrid thing because I am a die-hard fan and it greatly concerns me that the rest of the world shall play it and complete it before I do.

Oh, the shame. That is all.

Promises

I find it quite funny that even though people rave on and on about what their New Year Promise will be, people never ever follow them.

I remember, back when I was a little child, how every NYE I would think up a storm about what I wanted to promise myself I'd do right for the whole of the next year.
But, alas, I never follwed it and infact every year of my life I have forgotten this promise the very next day.

Last year my promise to myself was to quit smoking. Obviously, for those who know me well, that plan fell straight through. And the year before that I recall myself saying that I would lose weight. Well, that is another severely obvious failure.

But this year, even though I've not yet thought of a perfect promise, I know I will follow my promise through. I will. Because I really do hate how many times I've broken promises to myself. I do it every day. Al the time I say to myself that I won't do it and I end up going and doing it.

I am blabbering about this because this NY i really want to change my life around a bit. I've decided I want to live life to the maximum, and you only live once, so why waste it?

Some people may feel that this notion is just some teenage dream but I believe that in some ways, you're most clever when you're a teenager. Because you are at a stage where you're not quite naiive. You have fresh and new ideas about life that are untainted by the outside world.

You love life, and in your own little head you have everything worked out to something close to perfection. But then you becone an adult, you join the Work Force, and the adults of our greedy planet taint your ideas, they crush them down. They tell you that youre stupid and that your thoughts and feelings are bullshit and that you should just grow up and stop being so damn naiive in this life.

They are the people who are wrong, for if they were to look at their lives, you'd find that most of them work nearly everyday of their lives. They get up to go to their boring job that they hate, and we (the youth) tell them that this is all wrong! You shouldn't go through life wasting most of your days doing these kind of things!

But, the cruel fate of it is that each youth has had these same ideas, but each youth has grown up to become just as the last generation.
So this is my promise to myself:

For as long as I live, I will live to be my own person, to live the life I want to, and to be forever young in my mind, my ideas, and my identity.

This will be my NY Promise, because I want to rid my life of what is wrong, and truely live... Because after all, we're all blessed to be in this life, so why not make the most of it...

Pressure

I don't like unwanted pressure; in fact, I hate it. It drives me mad.
You know that feeling where everything is building up, all at once, and you feel that if you have one more thing to think about then your head might just explode.

Oh, the agony. Ah, the frustration. It's terrible. Nothing could piss me off more than having a million people asking me to do something or a thousand teachers all wanting assignments on the same fucking due date. What is that?! Is it some horrid cruel twist of fate? Is this God's joke? To put innocent (or close to) people into agonizing situations where they feel like pulling every hair off their head and ripping out their spleen?!

I think that this is one of life's major irritations. Ah, what a hassle. Pressure sucks.