Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Honey Story

I did the stupidest thing EVER two nights ago.

I was lying on my bed, watching a pleasant episode of The O.C. I thought to myself, 'I feel peckish'. So i got up and snuck out of my room to the kitchen. My mum was locking up the house and stuff coz she was getting ready for bed. I got to the cupboard and there was absolutely nothing there that I wanted! Occasionally if I feel really hungry at night I'll eat a few teaspoons of peanut butter. It sounds stupid, but for some reason it stops the oncoming starvation.

So I looked deep within the pantry, searching desperately for something, anything to indulge in. And then I found it. A brand new jar of honey. Now, I don't usually like honey very much but for some reason I felt like it at the time. So I took the jar and got back on my bed in my room until I heard my brother yell from nextdoor. I jumped off my bed and walked into his room. He was standing on his bed and yelling about a spider. I was telling him that he was an idiot (even though secretly I'm terrified of spiders too). My mum came in and was too freaked out to kill the thing aswell. So we chased it into the basket and dumped it in the bathroom and closed the door.

All was well... for now. Lol. I went back to my bedroom and cracked open the new jar of honey, savouring that sweet smell. And then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. I quickly spun around letting my grip slacken on the honey jar, but not dropping it. I scanned the wall for maybe 20 seconds and then went to resume my viewing of The O.C. But the honey was pouring out of the lopsided jar in my hand out onto my carpeted floor. This was a BIG jar of honey.

I shat myself. I freaked. I went to pick up the jar and spilt it all over myself. Up my arms and everything. Then I found the courage to look over the top of my bed to see the damage. Luckily most of it spilled onto a conveniently placed thong. But there was still a good 200grams on the floor. I was running around frantically trying to think of what to do and having to hide it from my mother who was still wandering the house at the same time. I had many bottles of water in my room which was lucky. I used them with tissues to help clean the honey off my floor. All in all it took me over half an hour to clean up the entire mess. And when I went to dump the tissues that were soaked in honey in the toilet, I flushed them down, and the toilet began to flood.

And then I waited for it to sink but it wouldn't. So I ran back to my room and grabbed the honey-soaked thong. I walked in the direction of the bathroom so I could clean it under the sink until I remembered... the spider was in the bathroom. I had to clean that fucking thong while there was the huge spider in a basket right at my feet.

After that nothing happened. I put the honey back and my mother never found out. I went and sat down in my bedroom and I thought, 'I'm still hungry'.
So I went and got the peanut butter...

3 comments:

Cindy said...

nanny youre an idiot. i love you. have i ever told you that? that is hilarious. lol.

love love love love love.

xxx

btw peanut butter is better than honey by miles :P

lovereigno'erme said...

You're such a douchebag, lol. Way to make me piss myself laughing :P. Love you stoopidbum (L)

shootingatspiders said...

you are classic. It's like something out of along came polly... good work, I can't believe you actually managed to clean it up! I'd just be standing there in my room looking at it going '....daaaamn thats a lotta honey'. And then freak out when the hords of ants attacked me...
Thankfully I would have just stayed in the kitchen with a spoon :P
ilyxx
<3gliTter
PS twoocu